Bank Pop
Posted by Patrick on Tuesday, November 30, 2004The other day I run into the bank to make a deposit, and I have to go physically inside of the bank, where the people are, because I didn't have a pen on me. See, the penny-pinchers (get it? penny? bank? heh?) at Fleet (my old bank) use to make me only use an ATM for all my transactions, or face nasty fees for the privilege of speaking with a human being. Forced ATMing lead to habit, and habit lead to routine. My new bank probably lets me speak with a real person, but I hardly ever bank during the day, thanks to direct deposit and cash-back at the grocery store.
Back to the story. I'm inside the bank, at the table with the pens and deposits slip. It's one of the pens that's chained to the table, so I can't go far. Also on the table is a large clear jar, filled with lollipops. Treats for the kiddies, and a sign of the decline of western civilization. Bank tellers are now too busy to hand out lollipops to kids.
Flashback....Ahhh lollipops. I remember going to the bank with my mom as a child, and they would hand out these rectangle lollipops to all the good boys and girls who happen to cruise past the drive-through window. Made the bank trip totally worth it. That, and the pneumatic tube thingy. All worth it unless they gave you a purple lollipop. Those things tasted like Dymatap.
Again, back to the story. I'm in the bank, at the table with the chained-pens and deposit slips, and the big jar of lollipops. This guy comes into the bank, right up to the table and starts searching through this lollipop jar. He takes out a red one. Then another. Moves a few to the side, then takes out another.
He then proceeds to take out every red lollipop out of this jar (shaking the table the whole time), stuffs them in his jacket pocket, and runs out the door. He jumps in his truck and drives off. He practically robs the bank of red-flavored (red is a flavor) lollipops!
What could possibly have made this man so insane as to drive to the bank and steal this candy? Maybe some scavenger hunt for glucose addicts? A bratty child at home screaming for red lollipops from the bank? An undeniable craving for red-dye #7?
To be honest, it kind of turned me off to bank-candy. Knowing that weirdos stalk the jars for specific flavors kind of takes the joy out of it.
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